sixhundred'one

I've never understood why people make such a big deal about New Year's eve. Yeah, it's an occasion to pop open the champagne and spend time with family and friends, but that doesn't seem so special to me. Everyday is just like any other. Every year feels the same, living in the same place with the same people where nothing changes except the little details. To me, New Year is about reflecting on what you have achieved in the past year and what you would want to happen in the next 365 days. A new beginning is a treasured thing, but everyday is what you make of it.
I just want to be happy and fall in love with life...


Happy 2012... Make it count.

sixhundred

There it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don't feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You try your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can't seem to connect to anyone or anything.

fivehundred'ninetynine

Sometimes I think I need to get away, pack my things, get on a plane, head off alone, never look back at the town I called home; maybe visit California, I hear it's nice there. But all the waves and the coastline sunset shores would just make me realise how empty and lonely I really am and would just make me miss you more..

fivehundred'ninetyeight

There is a fine line between love and hate. You hear that cliche all the time. But no one told you that the moment you crossed it, it would be the one you least expected. You'd fall in love and crack open a secret door to let your soul mate in. You just never expected such closeness one day to feel like an intrusion.

fivehundred'ninetyseven

I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn't have a God, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn't make for an interesting person. I didn't want to be interesting, it was too hard. 
What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.

fivehundred'ninetysix

I know I'm full of insecurities and disappointments, but I promise you there's a part of me worth keeping.

fivehundred'ninetyfive

No, it's not like that. It's not what you're thinking. I was serious when I said "All of it." I can remember every moment we were together, and in every moment there was something wonderful. I can't really pick one time that meant more than any other. The entire year was perfect, the kind of year everyone should have. How could I pick one moment over any other? Poets describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it was like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling for me. But as soon as we spoke, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it...

fivehundred'ninetyfour

And this is for the broken hearted. I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why, if they have hurt you so much, do you continue to love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do. And then, after a while, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were - an empty soul and teary eyed. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt. Because no matter who they are - it didn't happen to them. And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that you are basically alone with all of this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just breakdown, right there, because you've had enough. The tears just instantly start flowing, and you're at a point where you don't care who sees. Because you've spent many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by your scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that it's not helping at all, and it's not going to bring them back, if you even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself together and keep going. You find a way to deal with it. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says "it will be okay..." But you know it won't. And that's the truth. It's won't. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realise that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've leaned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you hear this person's name, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart - yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't feel it. And you sit there and wonder how one person could have caused all of this.

fivehundred'ninetythree

It's funny how a series of chances we make can alter the course of a day: the attitude of the morning, the outlook we have on life, the blur of the night. It's funny how a series of chances can bring a smile to our face or tears to our eyes.

fivehundred'ninetytwo

I'm not going to spend my life chasing people. You wanna leave? Fine then, go ahead. Because I'm done with chasing and caring for people who never had interest in me. Nothing lasts and people change. I've learned love is hard and life is strange.

fivehundred'ninetyone

I am so self-destructive. I turn solutions into problems. Everything I touch, I ruin. I'm like Midas in reverse.

fivehundred'ninety

I can't begin to count the number of times I've told myself
"I'm moving on." "I'm done." "I'm so over him." 
But the number of times those statments were true? 
Never.

fivehundred'eightynine

If you don't believe he loves you, chances are you're right. Anyone who loves you would never, in a million years, give you a reason to believe that they didn't.

fivehundred'eightyeight

Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're so caught up in making the right choice that you won't stop to consider that maybe there isn't a right or wrong choice, there are just a lot of choices?

fivehundred'eightyseven

You didn't owe it to me to be a decent friend. You owe it to me to be a decent human being.

fivehundred'eightysix

I don't suppose you have many friends. Neither do I. I don't trust people who say they have a lot of friends. It's a sure sign that they don't really know anyone.

fivehundred'eightyfive

People think I'm confident but I'm just as insecure of anyone else.
I just know how to put on a show.

fivehundred'eightyfour

Eventually, to someone, I'll be perfect. My messiness and immaturity, emotions and temper will be everything he needs.