fivehundred'eightythree

You see I blog and think it's a waste of time? You don't know how much this has saved me, how much it could save someone else. You can have your own opinion, but don't judge people for doing something you don't like, something you don't agree with. Everyone is different and we all have our own little ways of spending our time, ways of dealing with things, ways of saving ourselves. Maybe no one cares about what I write here, you say 99% of people will look past this page and think nothing of it. But that 1%, they care. That is all that matters. Maybe I will help, enlighten, or change someone. I won't stop because you try and bring me down. Your views are your own, keep them. You were my friend, but you weren't much of one. I listened to you and valued your opinions, and you laugh at this because I voice how I really feel.. I want to leave this place. I don't want to be brought down by people anymore.. 
Does anyone really care?

fivehundred'eightytwo

Depression is humiliating. 
It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can't wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to give value to your friends, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognisable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can't comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can't concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the rubbish. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
Depression is humiliating.
If you've never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the people who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the shops cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It's not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It's an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating.
No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. 

Depression is real. 

Just because you've never had it doesn't make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest you be judged.

fivehundred'eightyone

It doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend or a bunch of friends. If
you're lonely, then you will feel lonely with or without these factors.
They don't change it. They don't make you feel less alone.
Loneliness doesn't mean you don't have people who love you, it
just means you don't feel it. It's a state of mind, not reality.

fivehundred'eighty

The most selfish one letter word - I - avoid it.
The most satisfying two letter word - we - use it.
The most poisonous three letter word - ego - kill it.
The most used four letter word - love - value it.
The most pleasing five letter word - smile - keep it.
The fastest spreading six letter word - rumour - ignore it.
The hardest working seven letter word - success - achieve it.
The most enviable eight letter word - jealousy - distance it.
The most powerful nine letter word - knowledge - acquire it.
The most essential ten letter word - confidence - trust it.

fivehundred'seventynine

There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing: light triumphs darkness, everytime. You can stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light.

fivehundred'seventyeight

Every bad situation will have something positive.
Even a dead clock shows the correct time twice a day.

fivehundred'seventyseven

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal it away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of teller but for want of an understanding ear.

fivehundred'seventysix

Don't you dare tell me nothing matters. Everything matters.
Every drop of rain, every ray of sunshine, every wisp of cloud matters
and they matter because I can see them and if I can see them,
then they can see me and I know that there's an entire world that cares out there.
Hiding behind a world that doesn't afraid to show who it really is 
and with or without you,
I will drag that world out of the dirt and the blood and the muck until we live in it.
Until we all live in it.

fivehundred'seventyfive

Pale, hazel eyed angel slowly hits the floor. She kept on asking for just one more burning sensation down her throat, bitter taste kisses her lips. She's loving the view behind these new set of eyes and she giggles and they whisper that she might die. The odd thing is she feels just fine. Freckles lost against the cold tan tile, arms under her sudden movement like a rollercoaster; next thing she does is open her eyes. "I'm fine, I'm fine" as her tiny toes tap down the silent hallway, sad, lonely, looking for the arms of a boy who does not love her. Smile escapes her lips as she sees him past the door. Pale, hazel eyed angel slowly hits the floor and into a sleep with kisses on her neck and sweet nothings in her ear. Poor little girl, she only wanted just one more.

fivehundred'seventyfour

If you're looking for the truth, you have to shut up. Most people I know fill their days with meaningless bullshit, small talk, and trivial diversions just to keep the noise in and their own heads down.

fivehundred'seventythree

Truth is, how many people these days are actually happy with everything about themselves? From their face to their body to their personality. We always think something about us could be better; could be improved. We would look better and feel better if we could change our flaws. Sure, some people want to have that perfect body, clear skin, unique talents, and other stuff. But, why? Why do you want to be so damn perfect? Do you think more people will like you if you were so perfect? Do you think you will find love if everything about you was perfect? Get better grades? Live a better life? Why can't you just live your life and be happy and proud of who you are? If you're not, then start accepting who you really are. Be unique, be happy, be YOU.

fivehundred'seventytwo

We can't help ourselves. We see a line, we want to cross it. Maybe it's the thrill of trading the familiar for the unfamiliar. A sort of personal dare. The only problem is, once you've crossed it, it's almost impossible to go back.

fivehundred'seventyone

Because even though she can't say his name anymore, and just because she never talks about him, doesn't mean he isn't on her mind. And even though he's not here anymore, doesn't change the fact that he's still locked up in her heart. And even though it's been all this time, he's still managing to tear her apart.

fivehundred'seventy

If I have learned anything in life, it's this: the human is weak. Man is not invincible. The young and the naive are the first to believe that we are, then comes the life savers, the heroes, the villains, the killers. Whoever amounts up to any form of greatness, anything, good or evil, it's all the same, think they will live forever. The truth is, people die, memories fade and legends becomes lost in time.

fivehundred'sixtynine

She's a strong girl, born with addiction in her blood. She wishes she could fight it away, but honestly, it would take too much and the drinks that free her soul taste too good.

fivehundred'sixtyeight

I grew to learn how destructive the truth could be. I learned to hold it in, tamp it down, like gunpowder in an old-fashioned gun. Then it exploded in my face, like on a November day in the rain.

fivehundred'sixtyseven

I'm not always as confident as I seem. There are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always. Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me. Sometimes I just want a hug. Someone who will let me cry. I like when people cry in front of me - when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn't do any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh. I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have blatantly been disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart. And my trust in people has not been completely diminished. To be honest, I hope it never does.

fivehundred'sixtysix

About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most people will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... It's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never give up hope.

fivehundred'sixtyfive

Our love was drowning in every evil word we'd ever said. It was enough to kill us both.

fivehundred'sixtyfour

I'm in love alright, with my crazy beautiful life. With the parties, the disasters, with my friends all pretty and plastered.

fivehundred'sixtythree

She felt as though she were failing in practically every area of her life. Lately, happiness seemed distant and unattainable to her as space travel. She hadn't always felt this way. There had been a long period of time during which she remembered being very happy. But things change. People change. Change was always one of the inevitable laws of nature, extracting its toll on people's lives. Mistakes are made, regrets form, and all that was left were repercussions that made something as simple as rising from the bed seem almost laborious.

fivehundred'sixtytwo

Every life starts out like a fresh piece of clay; boring, plain, certainly not the best work of art, yet strong and sturdy. Every memory, person, moment, laugh, thought; they're like the hands and tools that shape the clay. When it falls and breaks, and gets dented and out of shape, well that's like our broken hearts, and hard spots in someone's life; but nothing a little time and glue can't fix. Friends are like the colours. They give it beauty, and make you more unique; best of all, the good ones stay on even when you fall apart. And finally, love is like a shiny glaze, that softens the clays tattered surface. It covers even the bare, and unwanted parts of your life. And even though it looks clear, you can still see it shine when you look on the bright side.

fivehundred'sixtyone

I've figured out a way to twist reality.
Just take a ton of drugs and alcohol and never go to sleep.
Buy the saddest movies you've ever seen.
Fill your room with the noise from the screen and put it on repeat.
Push your friends, your family away with all the cruel things you said.
If you need company, you have yourself, the voices in your head.

fivehundred'sixty

When we first started talking, I didn't want to get involved with anyone, heck I didn't even know you. But you were so good to me and you were so easy to talk to and little by little, I found myself falling even harder in love with you.

fivehundred'fiftynine

Have you ever been lying on your bed thinking about him and your body starts to tingle and all of a sudden you want nothing more than to be in his arms?

fivehundred'fiftyeight

You know what? Yes, I have changed. I'm not as nice as I used to be, because I don't want to get used or walked over. I don't trust everyone and tell them my secrets, because behind every fake smile is a backstabbing bitch. I distance myself from people because in the end, they're only going to leave so I'm not going to hurt myself by letting you in. I have changed because I have realised that I'm the only person I can depend on.

fivehundred'fiftyseven

And sometimes when your mind gets going, you just can't seem to get it to stop. It's like never-ending spinning, going around and around, thinking about those things you really don't want to know about yourself. But you just can't get it to stop. The thoughts just clog your mind, your every movement. You can't do anything without thinking. And eventually, you just don't want to think anymore when really - it's all you've got.

fivehundred'fiftysix

I'm telling you, you don't want to fall for me. You don't even want to be with me. I'd make a terrible girlfriend. I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people, I'd forget to call. I change my mind way too much and I love going out with friends, I can't settle. I've fallen in love and had my heart broken, more than once by the same boy. I lost the pieces so don't bother trying to put them back together. You don't want to fall for me... I wouldn't want to put you through that.

fivehundred'fiftyfive

And ultimately, he's going to find out. How you chew, how you sip, how you dance, how you smell at every point in the day. The fact that most of your friends are shallow. That you hate sitting in English class, the middle seat. How you love chocolate, how you can be hyper at times, how certain games and shows make you really happy. How cranky you get when you PMS or when you're tired, how you think you look bad in all your photos on facebook, how music is your life. How you messed up in your past, how you choose to ignore things and lie rather than face them. He's going to know everything about you. And you know what? If you're lucky, he's still going to love you.

fivehundred'fiftyfour

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion of self conclusion in one simplified motion. See, the trick is that you are never supposed to act on it, no matter how unbearable the misery gets.
Is it your fear of being buried that makes you so afraid to speak? An avalanche of opinions like the one that I feel that I am now underneath.

fivehundred'fiftythree

There are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan your cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore.