fivehundred'eightythree

You see I blog and think it's a waste of time? You don't know how much this has saved me, how much it could save someone else. You can have your own opinion, but don't judge people for doing something you don't like, something you don't agree with. Everyone is different and we all have our own little ways of spending our time, ways of dealing with things, ways of saving ourselves. Maybe no one cares about what I write here, you say 99% of people will look past this page and think nothing of it. But that 1%, they care. That is all that matters. Maybe I will help, enlighten, or change someone. I won't stop because you try and bring me down. Your views are your own, keep them. You were my friend, but you weren't much of one. I listened to you and valued your opinions, and you laugh at this because I voice how I really feel.. I want to leave this place. I don't want to be brought down by people anymore.. 
Does anyone really care?

fivehundred'eightytwo

Depression is humiliating. 
It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can't wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to give value to your friends, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognisable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can't comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can't concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the rubbish. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
Depression is humiliating.
If you've never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the people who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the shops cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It's not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It's an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating.
No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. 

Depression is real. 

Just because you've never had it doesn't make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest you be judged.

fivehundred'eightyone

It doesn't matter if you have a boyfriend or a bunch of friends. If
you're lonely, then you will feel lonely with or without these factors.
They don't change it. They don't make you feel less alone.
Loneliness doesn't mean you don't have people who love you, it
just means you don't feel it. It's a state of mind, not reality.

fivehundred'eighty

The most selfish one letter word - I - avoid it.
The most satisfying two letter word - we - use it.
The most poisonous three letter word - ego - kill it.
The most used four letter word - love - value it.
The most pleasing five letter word - smile - keep it.
The fastest spreading six letter word - rumour - ignore it.
The hardest working seven letter word - success - achieve it.
The most enviable eight letter word - jealousy - distance it.
The most powerful nine letter word - knowledge - acquire it.
The most essential ten letter word - confidence - trust it.

fivehundred'seventynine

There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing: light triumphs darkness, everytime. You can stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light.

fivehundred'seventyeight

Every bad situation will have something positive.
Even a dead clock shows the correct time twice a day.

fivehundred'seventyseven

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal it away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of teller but for want of an understanding ear.

fivehundred'seventysix

Don't you dare tell me nothing matters. Everything matters.
Every drop of rain, every ray of sunshine, every wisp of cloud matters
and they matter because I can see them and if I can see them,
then they can see me and I know that there's an entire world that cares out there.
Hiding behind a world that doesn't afraid to show who it really is 
and with or without you,
I will drag that world out of the dirt and the blood and the muck until we live in it.
Until we all live in it.

fivehundred'seventyfive

Pale, hazel eyed angel slowly hits the floor. She kept on asking for just one more burning sensation down her throat, bitter taste kisses her lips. She's loving the view behind these new set of eyes and she giggles and they whisper that she might die. The odd thing is she feels just fine. Freckles lost against the cold tan tile, arms under her sudden movement like a rollercoaster; next thing she does is open her eyes. "I'm fine, I'm fine" as her tiny toes tap down the silent hallway, sad, lonely, looking for the arms of a boy who does not love her. Smile escapes her lips as she sees him past the door. Pale, hazel eyed angel slowly hits the floor and into a sleep with kisses on her neck and sweet nothings in her ear. Poor little girl, she only wanted just one more.

fivehundred'seventyfour

If you're looking for the truth, you have to shut up. Most people I know fill their days with meaningless bullshit, small talk, and trivial diversions just to keep the noise in and their own heads down.

fivehundred'seventythree

Truth is, how many people these days are actually happy with everything about themselves? From their face to their body to their personality. We always think something about us could be better; could be improved. We would look better and feel better if we could change our flaws. Sure, some people want to have that perfect body, clear skin, unique talents, and other stuff. But, why? Why do you want to be so damn perfect? Do you think more people will like you if you were so perfect? Do you think you will find love if everything about you was perfect? Get better grades? Live a better life? Why can't you just live your life and be happy and proud of who you are? If you're not, then start accepting who you really are. Be unique, be happy, be YOU.

fivehundred'seventytwo

We can't help ourselves. We see a line, we want to cross it. Maybe it's the thrill of trading the familiar for the unfamiliar. A sort of personal dare. The only problem is, once you've crossed it, it's almost impossible to go back.

fivehundred'seventyone

Because even though she can't say his name anymore, and just because she never talks about him, doesn't mean he isn't on her mind. And even though he's not here anymore, doesn't change the fact that he's still locked up in her heart. And even though it's been all this time, he's still managing to tear her apart.

fivehundred'seventy

If I have learned anything in life, it's this: the human is weak. Man is not invincible. The young and the naive are the first to believe that we are, then comes the life savers, the heroes, the villains, the killers. Whoever amounts up to any form of greatness, anything, good or evil, it's all the same, think they will live forever. The truth is, people die, memories fade and legends becomes lost in time.

fivehundred'sixtynine

She's a strong girl, born with addiction in her blood. She wishes she could fight it away, but honestly, it would take too much and the drinks that free her soul taste too good.