twohundred'eighteen

I am not one of those average highschool girls.
I don't put down my friends and thrive on their lack of self esteem.
I want people to be happy and it pisses me off that no one else does.

twohundred'seventeen

Yes, I may still be stuck in some parts of me...
But my logic has grown beyond my own imagination's desires.
And I wish I could share it without sounding like I'm bragging, without sounding like I have something to prove, without sounding like a narcissist.
But I, once a girl too sad to want to live, have completely jumped ship, started fresh, and moved on - and it excites me.

twohundred'sixteen

I guess to some extent, you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night. Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn’t terrible, it just hurts like hell.

twohundred'fifteen

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

twohundred'fourteen

It's sad when you think you know someone
for such a long time
and then all of the sudden,
you have no idea who this person is
that is staring you right in your face.

twohundred'thirteen

I’ve only realized that I do deserve better. That you were never worth my time, tears, or heartache. Because when you walked away and shut the door on me, so many more doors opened up. When you left it was then I was able to appreciate all of the simpler things in life, and I thank you for that. Thank you for giving up on me. Thank you for turning your back and walking away. Thank you for drawing the line. Thank you for making me who I am today.

twohundred'twelve

Maybe in five or ten years you and I will meet again, straighten this whole thing out.
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy.
But this is the distance and this is my game face.

twohundred'eleven

And you get to a point where you stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You realize no one's going to save you, so you have to save yourself.
You turn your life around, not knowing where you're going,
just knowing that you'll do anything, anything to be happy again.

twohundred'ten

Lately I've been making lists inside of my head. Things I love, things I hate, things I don't know, things everyone should know about.

You're number one on my list of things I hate.

twohundred'nine

I'm not the same little girl you once knew, you screw around with my feelings and 
I cut you out of my life.

twohundred'eight

I look up at the stars, and know you're out there somewhere.
I don't know where you are, or what you're doing, sometimes I don't even care. Especially lately.
Sometimes I know even know who you are anymore. But it doesn't matter. Not anymore.
Because in the night sky, bright or cloudy, my tired eyes become clear with clarity that all this meant something, once. Every smile, every tear, led me, led us, to where we are now. It may seem like we are absolutely nowhere right now, and the hardest things in life took time to heal. But we are nowhere, there is no denying it, and it's perfectly fine. I promise, I'm so happy the past is behind me. Maybe you're out there living a different life, while I watch the world go round beneath me, but that's okay. Because change is fantastic. It still means something. It has to. Everything happened for a damn reason.
I can't find a reason behind anything lately.
I don't care if I don't know where I'm going, because I know where I'll end up.
Where I'm meant to be.
I wonder how things got to be this way, it was a waste of time, yet it wasn't. To me, it seems like a waste of time, looking back on things. Wasn't there some way we could have prevented this? Maybe we weren't meant to.
I'm here, and now. You're then, and there.

twohundred'seven

And if I was in a crowd, you probably wouldn't notice me. I don't really stand out and I don't talk much to people I don't know. It's kind of hard to know me or be friends with me, so I advise not to waste your time on me, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to try.

twohundred'six

Am I the reason people always leave? Am I the reason all these things keep happening to me? Maybe I’m just destined to be alone.

twohundred'five

I shouldn't want you anymore, yet I do. I have for so long. Seems like forever I've been sitting here, waiting for you to come riding in on your noble white steed to take me away into the sunset where we live happily ever after. But you know what? Maybe I shouldn't be waiting. I've realised that I've wasted all this time, waiting on you when the truth was I always knew you'd never come. So I'm letting you go. So long, farewell, it's been good. No, actually, it hasn't.

twohundred'four

When you feel that pain in your heart. Just remember it's the broken pieces slowly coming back together so you can be strong again.