twohundred'fortythree

I don't remember where and I don't remember when. I don't even remember the season. I just know that there must have been a time I felt like I belonged someplace.

twohundred'fortytwo

Sometimes you need to be alone. Sometimes, you just don't want to be comforted. Because you need the chance to take it in. All that has been, all the pain left behind. The best cure is time on your own to analyze, time to pull yourself together again and time to see that all you ever wanted is now nothing but a fading memory. Time to let it go, and time to start again.

twohundred'fortyone

Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling. Reduction, see? Of all feeling. People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile.

twohundred'forty

I often wonder if life is easier for other people - Or they're just better at faking it.

twohundred'thirtynine

I really haven't had that exciting of a life. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life. So I pretty much like to make it up. I'd rather tell a story about somebody else.

twohundred'thirtyeight

I used to be comfortable in sadness.
There was a relative warmth in the loneliness I felt, in the hopelessness I felt.
I didn't want help; pity engrossed me instead.

twohundred'thirtyseven

You're letting her think you're emotionally available. You're letting her think she has a chance. And there is nothing worse in the world then thinking you have a chance, when you really don't.

twohundred'thirtysix

It's funny how when you start to grow up. You don't want stupid material things. You want things that matter. Like a father, or a letter. Or just a friend.

twohundred'thirtyfive

Sometimes I really wonder if all this bullshit is really worth it.

At times it seems that everything I do makes my life worse.

There's no excuse for the lies he told me,

but the way he hurt me and the way he made me cry

was almost too beautiful to believe...

twohundred'thirtyfour

I know that we're not friends. But it's just the memories. Everyday life brings me memories I once had tucked safely to the back of the back of my heart. I'm not in pain anymore, I'm over the heartbreak. But it's the memories that hurt, it's every little thing that once made me happy. The memories make me cry.

twohundred'thirtythree

You never promised to stick around, so I don't know why I expected you to. I guess I just wanted to believe you were better when everyone knew you weren't.

twohundred'thirtytwo

You're right, I'm not who I once was..
because we aren't what we once were.

twohundred'thirtyone

Nothing is certain anymore.
I don't know what in the world is the right thing to do,
and so I'm stuck here in a place I don't want to be.
I don't want to sit back and watch you be fine without me.
I don't want to cry and carry on like
I have been doing for the past weeks.
I just want not to want you anymore.
I want to, hell I need to, just move on.

twohundred'thirty

The bad part about hoping so high is that sometimes reality comes crashing in and with hopes so high turned down so low, you're thrashed about carelessly. It hurts when you are looking forward to something, having faith and hoping hard but life gets in the way and suddenly you're down and depressed, wondering why you ever bothered to try in the first place.

twohundred'twentynine

I just don't feel like I know myself very
well right now, so how can I be sure about
anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward,
you know, like I don't belong in my own skin,
and I get so frustrated at everything, I could
just scream and there's no reason for it.

twohundred'twentyeight

My thoughts tend to sound better in books I didn't write, and in the songs I didn't sing. Even then, sometimes there is no piece of literature, no song, no work of art that can really explain the way you feel. There is a double-edge comfort in knowing that no one really knows.

twohundred'twentyseven

She never speaks her mind. Always holds it in, though it kills her inside. Because she's so scared of what they'll think of her. Too afraid she'll upset someone. In the end no-one gets hurt; no-one except her. So speak up. Don't be afraid, don't ever be scared to say what's on your mind. Don't keep it inside, because sooner or later it's gonna come out, and then you'll be wishing you'd said what you wanted to back then when it mattered the most.

twohundred'twentysix

It was like one day I just snapped. You’d done it a hundred times before but I wouldn’t let you this time.
No, not this time. You cant break me.

twohundred'twentyfive

I could tell from personal experience that when people we love make choices, we don't always understand them. But we can go on loving them, just the same. It isn't a matter of comprehension.
It's forgiveness.

twohundred'twentyfour

It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, 
feels like that dream where you're falling and want so desperately
to wake up before you hit the ground, but it's all out of your control. 
You can't trust anyone anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, 
and the only good thing to come out of the experience is that nobody will ever be able to break you like that again.

twohundred'twentythree

I can't say that I’m mad at you, because I’m not. I can't say that I hate you, because I don't. I can't say that I’m done or that I’ll never talk to you again, because I know that I’m not and I know that I will. 
But I can say that I hope and that I pray, that if you really care about me at all, like you claim that you do, that you will stop setting me up, that you will stop saying things that you know you don't mean, and that from now on... 
Whenever you know deep down that something is going to hurt me, please don't, just don't do it.

twohundred'twentytwo

Besides the obvious difference, there was not much distinction between losing a best friend and losing a lover: it was all about intimacy. One moment, you had someone to share your biggest triumphs and fatal flaws with; the next minute, you had to keep them bottled inside. One moment, you'd start to call her to tell her a snippet of news or to vent about your awful day before realizing you did not have that right anymore. The next, you could not remember the digits of her phone number.

twohundred'twentyone

I won't say all those nice words just to please you,
but when I say something to you I mean it with all that's within me.

twohundred'twenty

I want something to wake up for every morning. It doesn't have to be someone, but I'd like it to be. It just needs to exist. I want to stop disappointing people, because I want to stop disappointing myself. I want to stop making friends with the right kind of people who make me feel wrong. I want to find a passion for anything, anything to keep me going. I want to be the girl at the end of the movie who does the half smile, and knows everything will be fine. I want total honesty to be easier to achieve. I want to end my life as myself - not my friends, not my family, and not who they always expected I would be. I want equality to exist among everyone. Especially prejudiced teenage girls. I want stress and exhaustion to disappear. I want to achieve everything they never did.

twohundred'nineteen

So I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

twohundred'eighteen

I am not one of those average highschool girls.
I don't put down my friends and thrive on their lack of self esteem.
I want people to be happy and it pisses me off that no one else does.

twohundred'seventeen

Yes, I may still be stuck in some parts of me...
But my logic has grown beyond my own imagination's desires.
And I wish I could share it without sounding like I'm bragging, without sounding like I have something to prove, without sounding like a narcissist.
But I, once a girl too sad to want to live, have completely jumped ship, started fresh, and moved on - and it excites me.

twohundred'sixteen

I guess to some extent, you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night. Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn’t terrible, it just hurts like hell.

twohundred'fifteen

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

twohundred'fourteen

It's sad when you think you know someone
for such a long time
and then all of the sudden,
you have no idea who this person is
that is staring you right in your face.

twohundred'thirteen

I’ve only realized that I do deserve better. That you were never worth my time, tears, or heartache. Because when you walked away and shut the door on me, so many more doors opened up. When you left it was then I was able to appreciate all of the simpler things in life, and I thank you for that. Thank you for giving up on me. Thank you for turning your back and walking away. Thank you for drawing the line. Thank you for making me who I am today.

twohundred'twelve

Maybe in five or ten years you and I will meet again, straighten this whole thing out.
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy.
But this is the distance and this is my game face.

twohundred'eleven

And you get to a point where you stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You realize no one's going to save you, so you have to save yourself.
You turn your life around, not knowing where you're going,
just knowing that you'll do anything, anything to be happy again.

twohundred'ten

Lately I've been making lists inside of my head. Things I love, things I hate, things I don't know, things everyone should know about.

You're number one on my list of things I hate.

twohundred'nine

I'm not the same little girl you once knew, you screw around with my feelings and 
I cut you out of my life.

twohundred'eight

I look up at the stars, and know you're out there somewhere.
I don't know where you are, or what you're doing, sometimes I don't even care. Especially lately.
Sometimes I know even know who you are anymore. But it doesn't matter. Not anymore.
Because in the night sky, bright or cloudy, my tired eyes become clear with clarity that all this meant something, once. Every smile, every tear, led me, led us, to where we are now. It may seem like we are absolutely nowhere right now, and the hardest things in life took time to heal. But we are nowhere, there is no denying it, and it's perfectly fine. I promise, I'm so happy the past is behind me. Maybe you're out there living a different life, while I watch the world go round beneath me, but that's okay. Because change is fantastic. It still means something. It has to. Everything happened for a damn reason.
I can't find a reason behind anything lately.
I don't care if I don't know where I'm going, because I know where I'll end up.
Where I'm meant to be.
I wonder how things got to be this way, it was a waste of time, yet it wasn't. To me, it seems like a waste of time, looking back on things. Wasn't there some way we could have prevented this? Maybe we weren't meant to.
I'm here, and now. You're then, and there.

twohundred'seven

And if I was in a crowd, you probably wouldn't notice me. I don't really stand out and I don't talk much to people I don't know. It's kind of hard to know me or be friends with me, so I advise not to waste your time on me, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to try.

twohundred'six

Am I the reason people always leave? Am I the reason all these things keep happening to me? Maybe I’m just destined to be alone.

twohundred'five

I shouldn't want you anymore, yet I do. I have for so long. Seems like forever I've been sitting here, waiting for you to come riding in on your noble white steed to take me away into the sunset where we live happily ever after. But you know what? Maybe I shouldn't be waiting. I've realised that I've wasted all this time, waiting on you when the truth was I always knew you'd never come. So I'm letting you go. So long, farewell, it's been good. No, actually, it hasn't.

twohundred'four

When you feel that pain in your heart. Just remember it's the broken pieces slowly coming back together so you can be strong again.