onehundred'thirtysix

Spare me your sympathy. I did it to myself.
I know how it's gonna be. I don't need someone else
to tell me that I'm crazy. He tells me all the time.
He got too close to me. It was time to self-destruct.

onehundred'thirtyfive

She was the quiet, observant type.
She never said much with her mouth;
But when she did, it was worth listening to.

onehundred'thirtyfour

The sad fact is, I'm almost positive you won't regret a thing you said to me.

onehundred'thirtythree

I'm learning to love myself
and it's the hardest thing I've ever done

onehundred'thirtytwo

It's better that we're not talking anymore, not pretending everything is ok. Because for once, I feel like you aren't faking your feelings for me.

onehundred'thirtyone

Then I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be.

onehundred'thirty

I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you want to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it to all stop spinning.

onehundred'twentynine

I desperately want to write something that changes peoples lives. To where they can't put the book down because they relate so well, and when it's finally over all they can say is "wow." I want to be that glimmer of hope and stability in an ugly world, and I want to give people some form of peace and beauty in their messed up lives. I just want to write something where they can escape into, and yet still feel at home.

I don't think I can do it.

onehundred'twentyeight

Change is a funny thing. We're never quite sure of what we're becoming, or why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got there.

onehundred'twentyseven

Some people can just move on, you know. They mourn and cry and then they're done with it or at least appear to be. But to me, I don't know. I didn't want to fix it; I didn't want to forget it. It wasn't something that was broken; it was just something that happened. I would go back if I could. But I'm finding ways, every day, of working around it. I'm respecting and remembering it, but I'm getting along with my life at the same time.

onehundred'twentysix

After my brush with the suicidal impulse, I listen with new ears to others when they speak on the subject. I think there are people who were born with that little door open and they have to go through life knowing that they might jump through it at any moment.

onehundred'twentyfive

Along the way, I've learned that you can't let anyone in too far and you can't trust endlessly. 
The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. 
Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you're broken, you'll never be fully fixed.

onehundred'twentyfour

I've just become speechless.
Literally.
I have nothing to say.
No words explain anything I want to say.
No emotions express anything I feel.
I just listen to music.
Listen listen listen.

onehundred'twentythree

It’s those moments when you hang around in a room full of friends, where you gasp for breath between each laugh. 
It’s those moments where you get high off just breathing in so deep, you feel your lungs getting cold.
For a second, that split second, you don’t care. 
You don’t care about school, 
about parents, 
about money, 
about rules, 
or broken hearts. 
Who you care about are the people sitting next to you. 
Because it’s all we really need, isn’t it?
Those people next to you.
Yeah, the ones who make you feel invincible, even at your weakest points.

onehundred'twentytwo

When you're still smiling about something that happened six months ago,
you know there's gotta be more.

onehundred'twentyone

She's not like that now. She knows better. She knows now that people lie and promises can be broken as quick as they're made. She understands that she may never be loved and too quickly good things fly in front of your eyes before you can reach out and grab them. She knows that you can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. There isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if you're standing alone for a while, that's why. Not everything in life comes easy, but when you work the hardest, that's when it's the best. You can't always expect people to care and even when your best friends stab you in the front, don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for your back. They missed for a reason. She has found out too soon, that in the end, you're your own best friend. Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, it's going to hurt like hell, but you can't stop it. You can't change your fate. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge. You don't know what it is and when it happens, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words 'life' and 'risk' won't mean anything to you anymore, but don't try to change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Over time, certain things no longer have an affect on you and that happens because that's the way it's supposed to be, but you'll learn later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. Beware, it might catch you off guard and happen sooner.

onehundred'twenty

People think that if you love someone hard enough, that everything will just work out.
People are wrong.

onehundred'nineteen

Please dont forget me.
I know I don't matter to you any more.
I know you don't miss our memories.
But please just don't forget me.
I will always remember you.

onehundred'eighteen

But, despite the truth that I know,
I find it hard to let go and give up on you,
Seems I love the things you do.
Like the meaner you treat me, the more eager I am
To persist with this heartbreak and running around
And I think that I know things may never change.

onehundred'seventeen

I'm scared that I'm going to end up alone. I'm scared that I’m always going to be somebody's friend, sister, daughter, confidant. 
But never somebody's everything.

onehundred'sixteen

I never missed having a wide, thick circle of girlfriends.
One was more than enough. We were comfortable with
each other's flaws and weaknesses, so we stuck
together and kept to ourselves.

onehundred'fifteen

I swear, I am the biggest over analyser that you will ever meet. I think so much about the little things that don't even mean anything. I guess I'm just looking, looking for something that isn't there.

onehundred'fourteen

I've always relied on the fact that someday we'll look back and laugh, thinking how stupid this fight was. But no, we aren't going to laugh, we won't want to remember. We've grown too far apart to ever be how we used to be.

onehundred'thirteen

I'm a daughter hiding my depression.
I'm your friend acting like I'm fine.
I'm a teenager pushing her tears aside.
I'm the girl sitting next to you.
I'm the one asking you to care.
I'm your best friend hoping you'll be there.

onehundred'twelve

Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.

onehundred'eleven

I'm trapped in the past, always thinking of things to say to you
just in case I ever see you again someday.
I can't move on, not yet.

onehundred'ten

I used to think when I got older, the world would make more sense. But you know what? The older I get, the more confusing it is to me. The more complicated it is to me. You'd think we'd get better at it.

onehundred'nine

You have no right to say a single word about me, my choices, or my past. Because you weren't there. You didn't get your heart broken.

onehundred'eight

I'm stuck in a corner now with nothing left to prove. This room is filled with expressionless faces and not one of them has a clue.

onehundred'seven

I can’t handle being friends with you right now. It’s not completely because of what I did to us, to me, but you’re a constant reminder to me of what I did to myself. I chose to believe you, believe every word that came out of your mouth, and I wouldn’t be sitting here with mascara staining my cheeks if I didn’t believe you. So when it’s easier to blame you, I know that I’m the one to blame for my own broken heart.

onehundred'six

Ever have that one person in your life that you just can't give up on, the one person that can screw you over time after time, yet you always seem to give them another chance, and no matter how many times you say this is their last one, you know it's a lie because there's always just one more waiting for them. The one person you know you're better off without but yet you can't find a way to let them go because deep down inside, you wouldn't know what to do without them. The one person you know doesn't deserve you, but yet you choose to over look it.

onehundred'five

I want to be alright without you. I want to smile, I want to laugh, I just want to stop lying to myself. You've been pulling me down for way too long and I know now it's time to let you go. It's time I stop worrying about you and your precious little life; it's time I think about myself for a change. It's time I treat myself right and leave behind those who don't. It's time I dig myself out of this hole and start all over again.

onehundred'four

I love writing, I love opinions and quotes and expressions. It's so beautiful to know that you're not alone in this messed up world. It's relieving to know that someone else feels the same way you do.

onehundred'three

All I want is for you to know me again, for me to be in your life.
Even if it can't happen right now, I would just like to know that
I'm not blocked from your memory completely.

onehundred'two

Sometimes you feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you'll find yourself smiling while missing someone at the same time. At times, you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them so badly. Life comes without guarantees, except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes and falling in love will change your life.

onehundred'one

You’re probably thinking I’ve forgotten all about you by now, but that’s far from it. I have missed you every waking day, and my heart still hurts, but I’m getting better. I continue to smile and still go on without you. I know I have missed you, but I have kept it all inside me, only for me to know. I still wonder about your doings, how you are, what you’re doing, what we used to talk about, to laugh in your voice. Just, everything. I miss it all. However, I feel that the parting of us was for the best, because everything happens for a reason. Should destiny put us into a crossing road in the future, that is when I will see you again. Until then, remember this: no matter what, even through the screaming fights, the disagreements, mistakes and the tears we’ve cried, never, ever did I give up on you. So if you ever need a helping hand, do not hesitate to ask. I may be far away, but I will always be in reach.

onehundred

I'm scared that I'm going to end up alone. I'm scared that I’m always going to be somebody's friend, sister, daughter, confidant. 

But never somebody's everything.

'ninetynine

And there wasn't anything wonderfully amazing about him,
but there was something that she just couldn't resist.

'ninetyeight

Be kind to everyone.
You may not be able to save a person,
but at least you weren't one of the people who didn't try.

'ninetyseven

Strange how a single conversation can change you. Or maybe it only seems that way in retrospect. A year passes and you know you feel differently, but you're not sure what or why or how, so your mind casts back for something that might give that difference shape: a word, a glance, a touch.

'ninetysix

Ever had one of those days? Where you hate the world, and just dropping your pen makes you want to break down and cry?

'ninetyfive

Just for the record: you're still my everything.

'ninetyfour

She can't find the answers anywhere. She looks up and down every crack, every empty space. All she finds is an empty heart and an empty place.

'ninetythree

I am a work in progress,
dressed in the fabric of a world unfolding
offering me intricate patterns of questions
rhythms that never come clean
& strengths that you still haven't seen

'ninetytwo

I’m the kind of girl who doesn't say much.
Sometimes, I don't know what to say at all.
But when I do say something, I mean every word.
I don't want to be like every other teenage girl,
I want to be remembered;
and I want my voice to make a difference in someone's life.

'ninetyone

The sad thing is, it doesn't feel right when I try to like anyone else.
It just feels like I'm faking it, pretending and not really feeling anything.
I need to find someone who can make me move on from you, but I'm
afraid that's never going to happen. So far, no one can even come close to you.

'ninety

People like me don’t have best friends. You can’t trust me, and I won’t let you. I won’t get close to you because I’m afraid of losing you. I’ll protect you from me and protect me from myself by avoiding confrontation, which will lead us to a falling out, inevitably. I will keep secrets from you in order to push you away. I’ll do anything to keep myself from getting attached to you because I’ve been there before and I don’t want to go back to being dependent on anyone.

'eightynine

Like all of a sudden I didn't fit in anywhere.
Not at school, not at home. And everytime
I turned around, another person I'd known
forever felt like a stranger to me.
Even I felt like a stranger to me.

'eightyeight

I hate this feeling. Like I'm here, but I'm not.
Like someone cares. But they don't. 
Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here.

'eightyseven

She wanted something else, something different, something more.
Passion and romance perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, 
or perhaps something as simple as not being second best.