onehundred'seventyone

There's always going to be that one thing you can't have and can't change. 
That one mistake that you can't take back. 
And the one memory that you would do absolutely anything in the world, to have again...

onehundred'seventy

I’ve learned this past year. I've changed, I've grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don't. But no matter what, they still happen. That's what we need to remember. I learned to stop analysing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There's nothing I can do to change that. I've learned to go with my gut, and that it's okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter, won't care. I've learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I've learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I've learned that today is all we have.

onehundred'sixtynine

If you asked me a year ago, I would have told you what you wanted to hear. Now I know that I can't please everyone, and I'm sorry if that hurt your feelings. I can't make myself unhappy to please you, and I won't try.

onehundred'sixtyeight

Don't tell me you know how it feels. 
Don't tell me what you understand. 
Don't tell me what you're going through is the same as this. 
Just don't, don't attempt to make this better. 
And don't you dare tell me you care. 
Don't lie to me, I've had enough of your bullshit. 
I'm living for myself now. 
You're gone. 
In one ear and out the other, our time has come and passed. 
I just hope you're happy now.

onehundred'sixtyseven

There's so many people I wish I could talk to. The words I want to say are lost. I am not a social person. I stumble and I don't know how to keep others entertained. I wish I did.

onehundred'sixtysix

Too many times we put our hearts on the line,
hoping that this it's going to be different.
Too many times we play the waiting game,
because we are too afraid of making decisions.

onehundred'sixtyfive

Eventually I'll just fade away into the background, and only when you're abandoned by all your friends, you'll notice that I'm not there anymore. Thanks for caring.

onehundred'sixtyfour

I have rebuilt the wall with reinforced concrete and steel.

onehundred'sixtythree

All the words that just came out of your mouth may well have been bullets from a gun. 
That would have hurt less.

onehundred'sixtytwo

All the time I spend with you I feel like you're judging me. I regret everything I say because I know you won't think it's good enough, or you'll think I'm stupid for saying. Sometimes I wish you'd just accept me for who I am, and not who you think I should be.

onehundred'sixtyone

The only thing that put a smile on my face today was the song that played and reminded me of you.

onehundred'sixty

You've got to think about all the things you like and decide whether they're worth sticking around for. And if they are, you'll find a way to do this. "And what if I don't?" Then you go away. And you don't get to like anything anymore.

onehundred'fiftynine

And she hates how she stays up half the night,
analyzing his every word, trying to find out if he’s
fallen for her as hard as she’s fallen for him.

onehundred'fiftyeight

It's funny sometimes, how one small thing can trigger some of the most agonizing feelings, memories, emotions. It's horrible, just when you think you've escaped it all, thrown it away and left it all behind you the feelings creep back up unannounced and turn you upside down and inside out.

onehundred'fiftyseven

You were my friends and I had the best times of my life with you.
But these days, all this, all the stars you reached for, all the things you ached for,
you've got them and you don't even know it.
And all your fulfilled dreams have made you do, is try and rip each other to pieces.
Your hopes dipped in bitterness. That's why I hate it.

onehundred'fiftysix

When you're thinking about how much you miss me, and I'm completely fine, remember how I felt, and remind yourself this is what you wanted. Because with every day coming and going, I'm learning how to be okay without you. And I can't wait for the day when I get to look at you and feel absolutely nothing.

onehundred'fiftyfive

I don't want to fall to pieces. I don't want to cry in front of you. I don't want you to see how vulnerable I really am beneath the naivety, arrogance and pride. For you to see me at my weakest moments, it would only make things ten times worse. So forgive me if I run away from love. I can't stand to see you see me break down.

onehundred'fiftyfour

They say that to cry is a sign of strength, but to me crying shows everyone around you that you are not strong enough to get through the rough times. To me it shows that you cannot control yourself, that your emotions have gotten the better of you. How could falling to your knees in a sobbing mess possibly be a sign of strength? I say stand up tall and hold your head high. Don't you ever let them see you cry. Because it's a sign of weakness and vulnerability, and I can't stand for it. You may be vulnerable right now but you sure as hell aren't weak.

onehundred'fiftythree

There’s this girl in the mirror;
sometimes I think I know her,
then sometimes I wish I did.

onehundred'fiftytwo

At least three weeks of bottled up tears came pouring out last night. My head pounded, my eyes hurt. It wasn't like I needed to cry for three weeks; I have actually been happy for awhile, but everything just built up too high & caused me to crash again - just when I was starting to do so well.

onehundred'fiftyone

Never try to forget something, no matter how much you want to. There's a reason why your mind won't let it go, even if your heart has. Your memories always serve a purpose, whether you know it or not, and you can't fight that.

onehundred'fifty

Depression is such a cruel punishment.
There's no fever, no rashes;
no blood tests to send people
scurrying in concern.
Just the slow erosion of self,
as insidious as cancer.
An essentially solitary experience -
a room in hell with only your name on the door.

onehundred'fortynine

I dont know.
I dont want it to be like this.
I hate the way you've made me feel.
And I'm sick of pretending that it doesn't hurt me.
Because...It really does.

onehundred'fortyeight

I remember being thirteen years old, sitting in my room all night, 
listening to the same song over and over. I thought that if I could 
write something beautiful, something honest, 
I could make someone love me.

onehundred'fortyseven

I'm mad at myself, not you. I'm mad for always being nice. Always apologizing for things I didn't do, for getting attached, for making you a huge part of my life, depending on you, thinking about you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, changing for you. And most of all, for not hating you when I know that I should.

onehundred'fortysix

The worst part is that they don't notice. It's not that they hate you, no. If they did, it would be so much easier. If they did, you could just hate them right back. Only, they don't. They don't hate you. They just don't notice you. You're just not there to them...

onehundred'fortyfive

Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile, and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don't know exactly what is wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting... and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait...

onehundred'fortyfour

We went days without a meaningful conversation. And I used to miss you so much when that happened. But it never seemed like you missed me. And because of it, I stopped missing you.

onehundred'fortythree

I just want to sit with you.
We could talk or,
we could just sit.
You could hold my hand
or maybe make me laugh.
But, just being—
it seems so endless that—
it’s enough when it comes to you.

onehundred'fortytwo

Alright,
I'm sorry I even tried
I was a fool
to have hope in you.

onehundred'fortyone

I want to cry, really I do, but I guess I just
don't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing
you hurt me...once again.

onehundred'forty

Because sometimes there is no easy way out. You just have to grin
and bear it. Sometimes the only escape route is to go straight through
the flames, just braces yourself and bit your lip. Sometimes you just
have to sever the ties clean off. Because in every relationship there
comes a point when the damage is too much and no matter how
good it once was, the memories can’t sustain you. You have to save
yourself knowing all the while it will hurt like hell. Because you can’t
you keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return.

onehundred'thirtynine

We barely talk anymore and so much has changed over the past few months. But I guess that's what happens when you grow up and grow apart.

onehundred'thirtyeight

Stop waiting around for someone to save you. Just save yourself.

onehundred'thirtyseven

Welcome to reality, where feelings don't matter and everything won't be okay.

onehundred'thirtysix

Spare me your sympathy. I did it to myself.
I know how it's gonna be. I don't need someone else
to tell me that I'm crazy. He tells me all the time.
He got too close to me. It was time to self-destruct.

onehundred'thirtyfive

She was the quiet, observant type.
She never said much with her mouth;
But when she did, it was worth listening to.

onehundred'thirtyfour

The sad fact is, I'm almost positive you won't regret a thing you said to me.

onehundred'thirtythree

I'm learning to love myself
and it's the hardest thing I've ever done

onehundred'thirtytwo

It's better that we're not talking anymore, not pretending everything is ok. Because for once, I feel like you aren't faking your feelings for me.

onehundred'thirtyone

Then I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be.

onehundred'thirty

I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you want to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it to all stop spinning.

onehundred'twentynine

I desperately want to write something that changes peoples lives. To where they can't put the book down because they relate so well, and when it's finally over all they can say is "wow." I want to be that glimmer of hope and stability in an ugly world, and I want to give people some form of peace and beauty in their messed up lives. I just want to write something where they can escape into, and yet still feel at home.

I don't think I can do it.

onehundred'twentyeight

Change is a funny thing. We're never quite sure of what we're becoming, or why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got there.

onehundred'twentyseven

Some people can just move on, you know. They mourn and cry and then they're done with it or at least appear to be. But to me, I don't know. I didn't want to fix it; I didn't want to forget it. It wasn't something that was broken; it was just something that happened. I would go back if I could. But I'm finding ways, every day, of working around it. I'm respecting and remembering it, but I'm getting along with my life at the same time.

onehundred'twentysix

After my brush with the suicidal impulse, I listen with new ears to others when they speak on the subject. I think there are people who were born with that little door open and they have to go through life knowing that they might jump through it at any moment.

onehundred'twentyfive

Along the way, I've learned that you can't let anyone in too far and you can't trust endlessly. 
The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. 
Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you're broken, you'll never be fully fixed.

onehundred'twentyfour

I've just become speechless.
Literally.
I have nothing to say.
No words explain anything I want to say.
No emotions express anything I feel.
I just listen to music.
Listen listen listen.

onehundred'twentythree

It’s those moments when you hang around in a room full of friends, where you gasp for breath between each laugh. 
It’s those moments where you get high off just breathing in so deep, you feel your lungs getting cold.
For a second, that split second, you don’t care. 
You don’t care about school, 
about parents, 
about money, 
about rules, 
or broken hearts. 
Who you care about are the people sitting next to you. 
Because it’s all we really need, isn’t it?
Those people next to you.
Yeah, the ones who make you feel invincible, even at your weakest points.

onehundred'twentytwo

When you're still smiling about something that happened six months ago,
you know there's gotta be more.